But I do not share these feelings, in part because I'm not all that sexually attracted to her (because I'm gay, she's attractive for a woman), and often feel that our sex is a bit of a chore (though it does happen multiple times a week).Īnd I continue the relationship because I do enjoy her friendship, and I enjoy having a girlfriend. I'm aware that she adores me, hell maybe even loves me.
We have been together for such a long time, however, that our relationship has taken its own inertia. My girlfriend, ironically is hugely pro-gay and she is great and supportive. At some point, I have come to the realization that I am gay, or at a minimum bi. I've been in a straight relationship for well over two years at this point, and I'm confused by it. At this point, hiding has become second nature. It's not like I'll be the first gay guy to do this. I'm not suicidal or anything even remotely like that, instead I'll just condemn myself to a life as a white suburbanite with a wife and kids.
I don't know how to rationalize what's happening, because I just want to be normal.Īt this point, I fear the hole I've dug myself is too deep for me to crawl out of. I don't know when I exactly came to the realization of my sexuality, but I know that for years I denied it. Never have I said them aloud, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. But the effort required to write those words exceeds my capacity to verbalize.
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